Secret 4: Surrendering to Creative Cycles

" Like a Phoenix Rising"

"...life is a series of cycles and was never meant to roll out on a straight line..."
--Gail McMeeken

Boy, ain't that the truth. And my life certainly has been a case in point.

This chapter of Twelve Secrets of Highly Creative Women explores the nature of cycles in our lives. It is natural to experience highs and lows. As artists there will be times when inspiration is everywhere we turn and other times when we feel void of all creative inspiration.

It is those periods of void that cause us to struggle. And yet the lesson is that we need to learn to embrace the void, to let go and see what may come to us in the darkness.

Easier said than done.

Reading this chapter took me back to a time in my life when I faced my greatest struggle with the void. When my kids were just 1 & 3, I left their father. My first marriage was filled with abuse...at first it was emotional abuse and then it escalated to physical abuse. Once that happened, I left.

But the damage had been done. My body was a shell. My soul and psyche were lost in a darkness so deep I could not see the light leading me out.

My first priority was maintaining the safety of me and my children...and that took considerable time and energy. Then once I knew we were truly safe, the healing began.

My first marriage had destroyed my creative self. I remember wondering if I would ever create art again. And I remember the joy I felt when I was finally able to open up a box of oil pastels and create a piece I titled "Rebirth".

During that dark time, I learned to embrace the void. It wasn't easy and it wasn't pretty. Life has never been harder. I was alone, raising 2 children on my own. In order to be safe, I had left my job and moved to a new city. I re-invented my life.

I believe making art is what saved me.

And while I would never want to re-live that time in my life, I can't imagine where my life would be without having gone through that cycle of death and rebirth. I discovered how strong and courageous a woman I am. I discovered that nothing, absolutely nothing or no one, could destroy the core of who I am...an artist.

Life has continued to be a journey of ups and downs. I raised my 2 kids as a single parent (they are now 22 and 24). I went back to work as a social worker...and a large part of that was about my desire to give back and help others.

Over the years I have continued to make art, some years more than others. Now at this point in my life, with my kids grown and a supportive husband by my side, I am making art more than ever.

Inspiration is often abundant, but there are still days when I search for motivation. On those days when I am searching, I am confident that I will work through it. And I have learned that I am creative in many different ways, from baking to painting.

When times have been tough I have reminded myself of this quote that was included in this chapter:

"When you come to the edge of
all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on,or you will be taught how to fly."

--Barbara Winter