Secret 5: Committing to Self-Focus

I'm a little "behind" everyone else; most folks have already moved on to Secret #6. I thought about skipping writing about this chapter altogether, but then I read it and had some thoughts I wanted to share.

One of the quotes from this chapter that I could relate to came from Joan L. Bolker. She wrote,

"One of the most important prerequisites of the creative
process for a woman is the assurance that her work will not rupture the
important connections of her life."

Like the author, my relationships with the people in my life are my top priority. For years, raising my children as a single parent was my priority. But still I managed to find a way to make art. Now as a social worker, I juggle the demands of helping others with taking care of myself. It isn't always easy. But I recognize this is who I am and my connections to people are as vital to me as making art. One feeds the other.

I know that I am fortunate to finally have found a man who wholeheartedly supports my artmaking. This is a Valentine's Day shoutout to my love: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thanks for understanding and not begrudging the time and energy I put into making art. Thank you for actually encouraging me to head over to the studio to work! I have spent many years of my adult life as a single woman...and really, this man was worth waiting for!

It will always be a juggling act. I liked that this chapter acknowledged that sometimes in order to be creative and complete art projects, you must "let go"...sometimes household chores must wait when we are listening to our creative muse...and that is o.k. (Thank god, my husband is tolerant of this as well...and he always does the dishes!)

May Sarton summed it up best when she wrote,

"As far as I can see from here almost everyone I know is
trying to do the impossible every day. All mothers, all writers, all artists of every kind, every human being who has work to do and still wants to stay human and to be responsive to another human being's needs, joys, and sorrows. There is
never enough time and that's the rub. In my case every choice I make means depriving someone."

I've moved past the "feeling selfish" stage--in regards to the time and committment my art takes. That doesn't mean that I'm not sometimes torn between my art, family work..., but I know that I'm conscious with my time and I'm not depriving anyone to the point of hurting them. As I get older, I think it's become easier to feel "ok" about taking time for myself and my projects.

Perhaps that's one of the gifts of age. I have earned it.

Secret 4: Surrendering to Creative Cycles

" Like a Phoenix Rising"

"...life is a series of cycles and was never meant to roll out on a straight line..."
--Gail McMeeken

Boy, ain't that the truth. And my life certainly has been a case in point.

This chapter of Twelve Secrets of Highly Creative Women explores the nature of cycles in our lives. It is natural to experience highs and lows. As artists there will be times when inspiration is everywhere we turn and other times when we feel void of all creative inspiration.

It is those periods of void that cause us to struggle. And yet the lesson is that we need to learn to embrace the void, to let go and see what may come to us in the darkness.

Easier said than done.

Reading this chapter took me back to a time in my life when I faced my greatest struggle with the void. When my kids were just 1 & 3, I left their father. My first marriage was filled with abuse...at first it was emotional abuse and then it escalated to physical abuse. Once that happened, I left.

But the damage had been done. My body was a shell. My soul and psyche were lost in a darkness so deep I could not see the light leading me out.

My first priority was maintaining the safety of me and my children...and that took considerable time and energy. Then once I knew we were truly safe, the healing began.

My first marriage had destroyed my creative self. I remember wondering if I would ever create art again. And I remember the joy I felt when I was finally able to open up a box of oil pastels and create a piece I titled "Rebirth".

During that dark time, I learned to embrace the void. It wasn't easy and it wasn't pretty. Life has never been harder. I was alone, raising 2 children on my own. In order to be safe, I had left my job and moved to a new city. I re-invented my life.

I believe making art is what saved me.

And while I would never want to re-live that time in my life, I can't imagine where my life would be without having gone through that cycle of death and rebirth. I discovered how strong and courageous a woman I am. I discovered that nothing, absolutely nothing or no one, could destroy the core of who I am...an artist.

Life has continued to be a journey of ups and downs. I raised my 2 kids as a single parent (they are now 22 and 24). I went back to work as a social worker...and a large part of that was about my desire to give back and help others.

Over the years I have continued to make art, some years more than others. Now at this point in my life, with my kids grown and a supportive husband by my side, I am making art more than ever.

Inspiration is often abundant, but there are still days when I search for motivation. On those days when I am searching, I am confident that I will work through it. And I have learned that I am creative in many different ways, from baking to painting.

When times have been tough I have reminded myself of this quote that was included in this chapter:

"When you come to the edge of
all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on,or you will be taught how to fly."

--Barbara Winter

Week 2: The 12 Secrets of highly creative women

My Studio

Secret 2: Honoring Your Inspirations

Even in the dead of winter, time often seems to go by too quickly--specially when you have a task at hand. Our assignment this week was, in a sense, to "to honor our inspirations"...to take notice of what it is in our life that makes us feel alive, that lights that flame of inspiration, that put a little spring in our step and makes us feel passionate about life...in essence, that moves us to create beautiful things.

I've been kicking this around in my head all week, trying to pay attention to what those things are for me. I think I have a good idea of what those things are for me. This is a hard exercise for me to do in the dead of winter...because it is a time of year when I just want to crawl into a cave and sleep till there is a spring thaw. Really, I crave being alone (I guess that can start my list). But, this is probably a really good time of year to remind myself of what things make me feel alive...so here goes:

• Color: intense, vibrant, deep, rich, bright, dark, purple, fuscia, sage, orange, black...color makes me feel alive. Color speaks to me. I feel it in my bones. When I start painting and start mixing colors...well, that is bliss for me.


• The Sun. Probably is coming to mind so quickly, because it is the dead of winter and I am missing sunshine. I am dreaming of living in a sunnier, warmer climate one day.


• Museums. On a bad day, a visit to a museum, especially favorites such as the Mpls Institute of Arts, can remind me that there is beauty in the world.


• Music. I have to have music playing when I'm painting. There are some paintings that I think should be titled after the song that was playing while I was creating it. BeeGees. Earth, Wind & Fire. David Sanborn. James Taylor. Andrea Bocelli. Old school Motown. I like to dance alittle while I'm creating.


• Family. Relationships mean everything.


• Baking. I love creating by baking. I have favorites that I love to "gift" family and friends with.


• Baseball. Especially Twins baseball. When I step into the stadium, I feel that state of bliss. I have a whole other blog devoted to baseball (badly neglected these days, but spring training begins soon!)


• Chocolate. Especially dark chocolate.


• Diet coke.


• My studio. I love, LOVE being there.


• Given the time and energy (which seemed to be lacking this year), decorating for the Christmas holidays. (I still have to to put those decorations away)


• Traditions. Romance. I am a sentimental fool.


• Nature.


• Long soaks in the tub. I am definitely more of a bath (vs. shower) person.


• Helping others. I know I said I crave being alone...but I'm also the sort that is "fed" by helping others...hence, the social worker in me.

I'm sure as soon as I finish this list, I will remember things I've missed. But this is a good start. These are the things I turn to when I feel depleted, when I'm searching for a little inspiration.

What's on your list?

Secret 1: Acknowledging Your Creative Self

"Rebirth" acrylic on canvas 16x20

"There cannot be too many glorious women."--Marianne Williamson


Such a wonderful quote to open the book with. I think I'll read that quote each time I open the book...as a reminder that the world is full of so many glorious women just waiting to share their gifts with the world.


Hey world, make room for one more glorious woman!


The first chapter of "The Twelve Secrets of Highly Creative Women" focuses on the first secret: Acknowledging Your Creative Self.

I think we all find our ways to our creative selves by taking different paths. And every now and then, we need to re-connect with our creative self.

I remember when I was just 8-9 years looking at a poster print of a Renoir painting and thinking "I want to do that. I want to paint beautiful things and share that with the world." I wanted to be an artist. I already enjoyed being creative and took pride in school art projects, but I was not the sort of bold girl that would announce that sort of BIG dream to the world. In fact, I announced it to no one.

But over the years, I took all the art classes that I could. I went off to college and initially was a journalism major (writing being another love), but soon I found myself in an art class, and then another, and another...until I was a studio arts major. Still I didn't plan on trying to support myself as an artist.

Over the years I always found ways to be creative. My children's earliest memories include "making art" alongside me, as well as exploring different art museums.

Now that my "children" (ages 24 and 22) are grown and I have a supportive husband, I am able to devote more time and energy to making art. For the first time in my life, I have a studio space dedicated to my artwork. Having that space allows me to do more artwork (I don't have to constantly put my work away), it has also given me "permission" to take my work more seriously. I'm not sure why and I know it's a mental game, but somehow working in the studio makes me feel more professional. (I don't think it should be that way, but it has helped me take myself more seriously. And I also feel I need to "justify" the space by using it).

So I have been painting, creating in my studio for about 2 years. I have opened up my studio during public "art crawls" 3 times now. It's been a process of creating more and also sharing my work more. I have found "marketing" to be nearly as time consuming as making art.

I'm at that point in my life when I feel closer to that little girl's dream than I've ever been. And that is part of why I am participating in this blogger book club. Reading the book will challenge me to think creatively about my art and what my goals/dreams are, and how to accomplish those dreams.


I am ready for the next secret.

My first book club--online no less!

About a week ago I was reading Kelly Rae Roberts' blog and found a mention of a new book club blogging group about to start up...I followed the link to find out more and before I knew it, I had signed up! The title--The Twelve Secrets of Highly Creative Women--sounded intriguing and certainly appropriate for the start of a new year with resolutions still ringing in my ears (if not yet on paper). It felt like one of those opportunities that just lands in your lap at the right time...without you even looking.

This year I want to challenge myself as an artist to Dream Big, to set lofty goals and take the risks necessary to achieve them. I want to put myself out there even more.

This group will give me an avenue to explore some of those issues while also meeting up (in cyperspace) with other creative women.

Only problem: I couldn't find the book! Until tonight, that is. So I'm now set to begin.

About once a week, I will be writing about a new chapter in the book...my thoughts, inspirations, questions that are prompted by reading that week's chapter, listening to the online interview with an artist, and also from reading the blog entries of other participants. I don't think you will need to read the book with me (or the other blogs) to follow this journey, but if you are interested in following along (or joining)--just click on the link on the right sidebar (or the picture above).

I look forward to starting this new venture.