Wednesday, October 7, 2009

This rollercoaster ride

Anyone who knows me knows that my life has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride at times. Fortunately I've learned to ride the rollercoaster well! 

A few weeks ago we had a scary time with my stepdaughter in the hospital. She recovered fully and life got back on course in time for me to enjoy the excitement of the Women's Press article. As I was enjoying that high and preparing for the Fall Art Crawl, the rollercoaster got running again...with a really scary "drop".

This past weekend my 22-year-old son was mugged and viciously attacked. I got one of those middle of the night phone calls that every mother dreads. At 4:30 in the morning I was racing across town to get to the hospital. The weird part is that I had woke up at 3 a.m. with a sense of something being wrong. I believe in mother's intuition.

I spent some scary hours at the hospital while they determined the extent of his injuries. Ultimately he had some deep cuts sewn up and was sent home with me to begin the healing process. He still may face some surgery to repair some orbital fractures (eye socket). The healing process is emotional as well as physical. I have a feeling that the physical healing may be easier.

It's hard to make sense of it all. How do I help my son feel safe in his world again? And honestly, parts of me want him to stay a little scared so that he will be more cautious in the future. We had a discussion today about how growing up as a woman I quickly learned not to put myself in vulnerable situations, to always have my guard up. I know that my daughter has already learned this. Sometimes I think that young males, with their false sense of bravado, are in more danger. 

Even though my children are "grown" I still want to protect them from harm's way. I still live in fear of the middle of the night phone calls. I don't know how to make that fear go away.

And yet, life continues...and I have learned from riding the rollercoaster that you get past the big dips and will ride high again. During the low times, it's more important than ever to remember the good times, the things that matter, home, health...

So my preparations for the Art Crawl this weekend have been slowed considerably. Some things will simply not get done. (I'm still determined to finish those Seasons paintings) I know it will be fine. 

And I will enjoy this rollercoaster ride again.

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