Thursday, August 5, 2010
Painting: Grace In Sorrow
I feel a perhaps long, definitely rambling, post coming on. It's nearly 2 a.m. and I am nowhere near asleep. Hopefully, writing and clearing my head of thoughts will help bring on sleep (for me, not you).
First off, thank you to everyone for your positive comments and support for my show at Trotter's. It means so much to me. I know it's not a huge show, but it feels good to have my work available for more to see. I am proud of the fact that I put myself out there and got the spot. I need to do more of that. I'm not really expecting sales...after all, people are coming in to buy a sandwich, not art...but I have heard that some artists have done well in these sort of venues. Fingers crossed.
Now that the show is up, I am struggling through a bit of a funk, a bit of a blue mood. For much of July, I was intensely focused on getting ready for this show. If I wasn't busy painting at the studio, I was busy in my head planning the show. I guess I'm experiencing a bit of a letdown, a "Now What?" sort of response to finishing this big project (well, big to me). I know that it's a good time to sit down and do some planning. Set some new goals--short and long term. Map out some new projects.
A big chunk of my funk (note that nifty bit of rhyme? what do you expect--it's past 2 in the morning!) is also part of me navigating the BIG changes in my personal life...being laid off, working on my art full-time (at least for now), missing my work colleagues, adjusting to a new daily routine. I got an email today from a former co-worker and it made me cry...I just miss being a part of that group of people so much. I'm surprised by how big the hurt still feels. Change is hard...and just when you think you have it figured it out, it turns around and bites you in the butt...or it feels like more in the heart.
I tried to pull myself out of the doldrums by getting my hair done. Ladies, you know that mood you get when you just need to change things up? I thought a new hairdo would shake things up a bit, and would, in a sense, free me to move on. So I made an appointment to get my hair cut and colored. I always color my hair myself, so this was a rare extravagance. And I was courting the idea of a shorter hairstyle. Now I always color my own hair at home and I haven't had my hair cut in months...so this was an extravagance. However, I was mindful of my budget and scheduled my appointment at a local, but prestigious, beauty school.
Alas, it was quite the experience...and not altogether a positive one. It took 3 hours to get my hair colored. I'm not completely happy with it. I'm trying really hard to embrace this new color. It is bold and bright...which I sort of wanted, but I'm not sure I wanted this shade of bold and bright. Let's just say, that my hair is on the orangey side of red. My hubby made a Lucille Ball reference tonight, which I had already made in my head. As I said going in to the appointment, "It's only hair...it grows out." (A phrase coined, I'm sure, by someone who never experienced a truly horrendous hair styling experience.) I am hoping that it will tame down a bit after a few washings. (I think the pictures below--taken Thursday morning after another shampoo--make the color look not quite so bright...it leaves me a bit hopeful that I can pull this off)
(after shots taken 8/05)
But I'm not done, there's still a hair cut...after spending 3 hours doing my color, I think the poor girl just wanted to be done for the day. And so I didn't get the dramatic hair cut that I was imagining. She cut off the straggly lower layer in the back and gave the rest of my hair a very modest trim. I'm not sure why it's so hard to speak up and say, "No, this isn't what I want. I want something more along the lines of..." But honestly, after 3+ hours I was ready to be done too and I was no longer sure I trusted this student to give me a short hairstyle. I wish I hadn't been so worried about $$ and had gone to my regular stylist. At least I could have gotten a hair cut I was happy with. Oh well, live and learn.
So you see, the cure for my melancholy was not found in a new hairstyle. I guess that might have been hoping for a bit much. But I am sure that this funk will pass...and in the meantime, I will continue to paint...which probably does more to help me through a blue mood than anything else I possibly could do.
I'm going to hit the hay. Sleep tight everyone.